I just wanted you to know that just because 2010 is over and done with does not mean we will leave you behind with it. You will always be thought of every single day.
I want you to know that I visited your stone on Christmas. Now that I’ve been there, I feel like going back would be pointless. I couldn’t feel you there with me. Clearly, you were never one for cemeteries, and you still aren’t! I feel your presence more when I walk into one of our houses or when I’m driving to Stuart to visit the family. I’d rather have it that way, anyway, and I know you would, too.
Love & miss you (always, always).
We all missed you tonight, but I know I can speak for all of us when I say you were in our hearts. I only wish we all could’ve had one more Christmas together as a family, but God needed you more than we did.
You’d be so proud of Aunt Dee Dee, Aunt Lisa, Mom, Mareysa and I. We did pretty well recreating your cookies. And Aunt Dee made a delicious dinner with Dad & mom making some good seafood. I know you would’ve loved it all.
Anyway, I love & miss you so much. Merry Christmas ♥
Thank you :)
I really do appreciate the support. And if you have any letters you’d like to submit to your grandmother, I will gladly post them <3
Today is your birthday :) I hope it’s been wonderful so far. I bet everyday feels like your birthday up there.
Funny, you were in my dream last night, too! I guess you visited me and Nico, huh? Anyway, in my dream I was trying to drive home to get to you, but I had to sneak out of work first. It was so difficult because my boss was on my coattails all day. You called my cellphone a few times because you were looking for me, but I woke up before I could make it home. I wish I could’ve at least seen you, even in my dream, before I woke up, but cest la vie.
Anyway, I really miss you. I know I tell you that a lot, but I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true. I’m glad you’re finally home. Someday, I hope to make it there, too.
I love you.
I hope you’re doing well up there. Everytime I look up, I picture you sitting down on a fluffy cloud, just talking to God. You know, shootin’ the breeze, as they call it. I like to think you talk about all of us down here. I mean, if it’s anything like you were when you were still here I’m sure God now knows about every single moment you had with us, and I’m sure you’ve told every funny story.
I just wanted to let you know about what I’m doing. I made a team for my school’s Relay for Life. It’s the thing Aunt Lisa and I do every year for the American Cancer Society. We raise money to find a cure. I know it’s too late for you, but I also know you would want us to do this so we can find a cure for others, so the other patients in the world won’t suffer anymore.
I’m trying to raise a lot of money this year. I hear this new drug is working really well for breast cancer patients, and hopefully the money we raise will go towards perfecting it. I would like a cure for that especially. I want it to die because it took you away from us.
I talked about you in my class yesterday… well, it wasn’t really talking. It was my American Sign Language class, so I really was signing about you. I had that family Christmas photo from 2008 when you were wearing that head scarf. I know how much you hated wearing it, so I brought another picture - the one of you and pappy at his 70th birthday party. It’s one of the best pictures of you :) Really. I know that if you were here you’d tell me you don’t believe me, but that’s okay, because I really do mean it.
Anyway, I’m sure you already know this, but it’s Aunt Dee Dee’s birthday tomorrow. Could you do me a favor? If you could leave a couple of dimes & butterflies in her path tomorrow that would be wonderful. I know she’s always looking. It would mean a lot. And it would be the best birthday present ever. I’ll be asking for the same when mine comes along in June, so just remember that, okay?
Oh, and Grandma, I have a boyfriend now. I really like him. His name is Sharif, and he’s coming home with me to Stuart to spend Thanksgiving with us - he doesn’t have much of a home to go back to himself. I wish you were going to be there to meet him. I don’t know if you’d like his tattoos… or his lip rings… but, he’s really sweet. And he pays for just about everything. He even put $10 of gas in my car once. I think you’d really like how he treats me. Maybe this one will stick around for a while. I still wish you could be there. I want you to meet him so bad.
I think when I come home I’m going to visit your stone. I hear you got a new one and it’s quite beautiful. I’ll leave you some flowers. Roses are too formal for me, so what about a sunflower? Some sunshine would be lovely, right?
Anyway, I think I’m going to wrap this up.
I love you very much. And I’m thinking about you every single day. I keep a piece of the Kiwi shirt & your picture in my wallet. Your prayer card stays in my planner. I see both everyday. I really miss you ♥ Goodnight.
I wish you were around so I could fill you in on my life. I’m having a really rough time right now. I miss home. I miss everyone. I especially miss you. Tears start to form when I realize you’re not around anymore.
I feel so strange when I talk about “my grandma did this” and “my grandma did that.” I would rather be saying DOES this and DOES that… but that’s something I cannot fix.
I wish you were here to tell me everything is going to be okay. I could really use that right now. I could use my grandma more than ever. I love and miss you so much. Immensely. Please give me a sign because I really need you right now.
This tumblr was created in memory of a wonderful lady. Velma Ann Ciccone was my grandmother. This woman was the super glue that held our family together, and despite her passing, she’s still holding us together as strong as ever.
In May of 2008, I learned that my grandmother had stage 4 breast cancer. I was devastated and scared for what the future held. At the end of 2009, after months of chemotherapy, medication, baldness, radiation, and restless nights, my grandmother was declared cancer free. It was our miracle.
Until April 2010, we were sure she’d be fine, but the doctors found cancer yet again. This time, it was in her intestines. She suffered through surgeries to get a majority of her intestines removed, and then suffered through a colostomy bag that she loathed.
She used to say how ready she was to die, and how she didn’t want us to take care of her because she felt useless. My heart sank every time she would tell us this. I wasn’t ready for her to go yet. There was so much more my grandmother should’ve been around for: holidays, birthdays, weddings, babies. But cancer, her ultimate keeper, wore her down until finally she passed away in the early morning of August 9th, 2010.
I still cry just thinking about how I can’t see her anymore, and how I’ll never hear her voice again. I’ll never eat her cookies or unwrap the piles of gifts she would give at Christmas time. I’ll never hold her hand again, or laugh with her.
But at the same time, I’ll never have to watch her sit in a hospital bed ever again. I’ll never have to watch her wince in pain when her colostomy bag needed to be changed. I’ll never see the hurt or anger in her face when she hid her balding head or threw up from her medication. No more suffering. And that’s all we ever wanted for her, really.
Readers, I digress. I made this blog “Letters to my grandmother” because I’ve found myself writing to her. She still has a Facebook account, and I’ve written a couple of letters on her wall. I still feel like she checks those kind of things still… wherever she is.
Now I have a resting place for all of these letters. I will use this to talk to and remember her, and share it with all of you. If you have any letters you’d all like to write to your grandmother, please don’t hesitate to submit them. I will post anything and everything.
A grandmother’s love is like no other. It is truly limitless. I feel that everyday.
Grandma, I love and miss you.